How Far Down the Rabbit Hole Do You Go? February 8, 2016

Unexplained Infertility. It's been over a year and no baby but there is apparently no real reason why. Derek has swimmers, he's easy to test, so does that make the problem me? I've been poked, prodded, scanned and now finally cut open and scoped. Still no real answers. Sure we're both a little older than ideal, that magic age of 35 which in a generation will seem like a totally normal age to start having children but right now seems to teeter on the cusp of being late and high risk. My egg reserve is just beginning to dwindle off but there's still some in there. Oh yeah, and one ovary is oddly positioned in a little pocket but my eggs still have access to the tubes and aren't blocked in any way. So really things should be happening. So how far down the path of madness and obsession do we want to travel?

First, of course, come the apps. Chart everything! Do it on this day at this time and in this position and you will make a baby! Or not. Then came the doctor's appointments, the poking and prodding and testing and consultation. Now it seems like more people have been invited to this private party. Let's add some specialists in there too! Finally a trip to Calgary to learn all about the wondrous science that can finally take over this task that we've clearly failed at on our own. Frankly IVF scared the crap out of me. It sounded like a painful, drawn out procedure that cost a lot of money and maybe might possibly work. If it doesn't? No refunds. I can just imagine the heartbreak. You've literally tried everything you can do to have a baby and it still might not happen. Or maybe you messed with the wrong eggs and sperm and create a baby with more problems and issues than you can handle. Maybe nature was trying to tell you something when you couldn't conceive naturally.

Ultimately we make some choices. We decide how far to spiral into this all and just how badly we need to have a child. There are still some less invasive options to consider and we're not going all in just quite yet. If we ever do at all.